I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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