So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
