we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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