Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
