Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
