I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
