he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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