I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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