Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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