I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dick very happy bro
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
