1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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