Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
