Only a mothe r could love this liver
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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