The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
