The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize