my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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