when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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