i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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