my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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