All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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