dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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