Where is the hickey?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
