Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
