Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
