so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My hand turned me down
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
