I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
