So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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