I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
