Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
