Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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