I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
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If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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