She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
