He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
