im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
