Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want a musical about memes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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