tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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