remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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