Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
