So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
