3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
