Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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