if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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