he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
