It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
