I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
