if you like me you must not know who I am
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
