Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
