Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
