Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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