I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
