so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
