So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
