Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
