either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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