ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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