the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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