Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
