we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
