Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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