So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sext me about skeletons
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
