Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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