Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
