She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
