i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
