from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
