it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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